I realized, that I will never be that woman. The beautiful and strong woman. The elegantly dressed and classy one. The woman, everyone admires and secretly dreams to be like her. The woman, who achieves her goals and leaves trails behind her. The one, who turns heads and fills hearts with jealousy and envy.
I will never be like her.
I am her antipode. I am the invisible one. The plainly dressed. I am the timid and the anxious one. Full of doubts. I always choose the safe path. And even if wild dreams might be whirling deep down in the roots of my being, I never believed I was worthy of any of them. Or strong enough to fight for them.
Because I am the woman, who stays home and loves her quiet space. I don't mind messy hair and simple everyday clothes. I am the woman, who puts motherhood and being a wife, above my womanhood. There are moments in life, when I feel as if something is lacking, but I realize that this was my personal choice. I am responsible for everything as it is.
I never managed to be that woman. Not even for a short amount of time. I was never brilliant. Nor beautiful. The only thing I had, was a heart full of dreams. And the ability to enjoy the little things.
That woman never had a chance with me, because even if she existed somewhere deep in my being, I was too scared and doubtful to let her grow and develop.
Now it is too late, because years have passed and I have been constantly sucked in by life. That woman is stronger than life. I was never stronger than life.
I allowed myself (or choose) to be sucked in by chores and responsibilities. And fatigue. I get tired and overwhelmed easily. I have fragile nerves due to anxiety disorder. I lack the character needed to build the road to one's dreams. I am the only one to blame. For breaking too often. For hiding constantly.
And I am coming to a place in my life, where I can be at peace, that I will NEVER be THAT woman. And I have no regrets. I feel happiness and satisfaction.
I am, and will be, just me. I only wish to believe, that the world needs us too. To nourish and create comfort. To support and always be there for our loved ones. To believe in them. To cheer for them. From behind the scenes.
We might never change the world or be remembered, but hopefully, we will support the ones who will.
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Thank you for reading!
Image Credit: Sebastian Voortman | PEXELS